-
"When you breath, you inspire. When you do
not breath, you expire."
-
"H2O is hot water,
and C02 is cold water."
-
"To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon
over a flame in a test tube."
-
"When you smell an odorless gas, it is
probably carbon monoxide."
-
"Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because
it is not found in a free state."
-
"Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and
Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydorgin is gin and water."
-
"Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries,
vanes and caterpillars."
-
"Blood flows down one leg and up the
other."
-
"Respiration is composed of two acts, first
inspiration, and then expectoration."
-
"The moon is a planet just like the earth,
only it is even deader."
-
"Artificial insemination is when the farmer
does it to the cow instead of the bull."
-
"Dew is formed on leaves when the sun
shines down on them and makes them perspire."
-
"A super-saturated solution is one that
holds more than it can hold."
-
"Mushrooms always grow in damp places and
so they look like umbrellas."
-
"The body consists of three parts--The
brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the
brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity
contains the bowels, of which there are five--a, e, i, o, and u."
-
"The pistol of a flower is its only
protection against insects."
-
"The alimentary canal is located in the
northern part of Indiana."
-
"The skeleton is what is left after the
insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The
purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to."
-
"A permanent set of teeth consists of eight
canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors."
-
"The tides are a fight between the Earth
and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the
moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this
fight."
-
"A fossil is an extinct animal. The older
it is, the more extinct it is."
-
"Many women believe that an alcoholic binge
will have no ill effects on the unborn fetus, but that is a large
misconception."
-
Equator: A managerie lion running around the
Earth through Africa.
-
Germinate: To become a naturalixed German.
-
Liter: A nest of young puppies.
-
Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a
dead cat.
-
Momentum: What you give a person when they are
going away.
-
Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky.
-
Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
-
Vacumm: A large, empty space where the Pope
lives.
-
"Before giving a blood transfusion, find
out if the blood is affirmative or negative."
-
"To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye
down over the nose."
-
"For drowning: climb on top of the person
and move up and down to make artificial perspiration."
-
"For fainting: rub the person's chest or,
if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead. Or put the head between the
knees of the nearest medical doctor."
-
"For dog bite: put the dog away for several
days. If he has not recovered, then kill it."
-
"For asphyxiation: apply artificial
respiration until the patient is dead."
-
"To prevent contraception: wear a
condominium."
-
"For head cold: use an agonizer to spray
the nose until it drops in your throat."
- "To keep milk from turning sour: keep it in the cow."
